3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So squirting runs in the family.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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