at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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