i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
