You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize