Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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