Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
