The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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