i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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