It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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