Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize