I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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