Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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