she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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