cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
