They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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