trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
