I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
