He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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