never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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