I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
