So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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