got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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