I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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