i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we made out on top of his cat.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
