I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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