I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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