I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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