I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
