I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
