Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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