we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
