You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
