sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize