I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
