sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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