Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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