So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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