My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
