Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
