his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
