i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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