I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
