Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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