any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
