Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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