how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
