youre lurking in front of me
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
