question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
