i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
