I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
