I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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