shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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