I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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