Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
