I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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