I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
