There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize