This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
