my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize