I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The air was thick with penises
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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