her vagine was all disorganized.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
