Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
