I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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