he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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