I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
