Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
