The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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