New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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