filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
