It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
